Panic on the Streets of Parenthood

Why I’m afraid of having & raising a child.

Well, the inevitable turn has happened—my social media feed has gone from check-ins at bars to pregnancy photos and marriage announcements. It’s bananas how much can change in just a mere 5 years. I’m not knocking the changes, quite the contrary. Pregnancy and marriage are beautiful things. But the idea of growing up still kind of makes me want to, well, throw up (Is it weird that I still have my childhood toys and get excited when I see toy stores and playgrounds?).

 

Now that I am a married young woman, the concept of having children starts swirling in my mind.

Sometimes I think I don’t want kids (I’m fine with my cat, thank you), and other times I want one like, right now. It’s really kind of funny how that happens. I guess the idea of creating a little being that is part me and part my husband just makes me so giddy inside.

And I also think having a little person around gives me a free pass to play with toys and act silly without being considered weird. 😛

But then my stomach sinks as I think of all the things that come with parenthood. As my husband puts it: “It [parenthood] is constant.”

So what is it about parenthood that I am afraid of?

How about the whole “constant” thing, and just about everything else.

One of the major fears is messing the child up. Like, what if I explode in fits of impatience or anger that I say something that can ruin their self-esteem?

And there are so many parenting methods, and tons of people just waiting to give you advice, that it’s overwhelming, and I’m afraid of screwing it all up. It’s not like I can erase the mistakes or my child’s memory.

And what if the child makes decisions that break my heart? And the teenage phase? Ughhh.

And if anything tragic ever happened to my child, forget it — I would just die.

A lot of times I think, the less emotional attachments I have, the less pain I’ll go through.

I know, I know, how melodramatic. But it’s a true thought, nonetheless.

Am I ready for that?

Am I ready to lose sleep, to eat at odd times, to spend my time, money, and energy on another human basically for their entire lives?

What about traveling with a child? Or dealing with dietary restrictions? Discipline? The list goes on…

And don’t even get me started on the physical aspects of pregnancy…

Birth pains and the possibility of an emergency C-section? Ummm….no thank you.

All of this sounds pretty negative, I know.

But I’m not all negative (honest). I often find myself grinning at the idea of being a parent, having a little mini around that I get to watch grow.

The good news is, I don’t have to panic just yet. Hopefully the churning in my stomach will subside, and in a few years I think it’ll all be worth it.

Or not.

Until next,

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