I recently applied for a job, and one of the application questions was something like this: Briefly talk about your work throughout your career.
What career? I thought. I don’t have a career, and the bulk of my recent experience isn’t even in my field of writing.
Gee whiz, way to make me feel like a real winner.
The good news is, this particular job does not rely on my writing career, but rather on the other non-writing experience I gained while working towards my writing career.
Phew! I knew those jobs would come in handy.
But even still, that question made me cringe. I felt like I had nothing to offer, and oftentimes I feel like I really do have nothing to offer. I almost wanted to stop the application right there.
In a world, or at least in my world, where climbing the corporate ladder and building your career is the ultimate goal in life, I feel as if I fall short (no direct reference to my 5’1 stature, here.)
I graduated college, and that’s an incredible success for me because I actually hated school.
So now, time and time again, whenever people ask me what I’m doing in my life right now, I always feel a drop in my gut. I scramble to spew out something I did that makes me sound like I’m not a big failure.
Because right now I’m not working a typical job. I’m babysitting and blogging. And I’m a house wife/homemaker.
When I tell people this, I find myself avoiding eye contact at all costs, and hoping they’ll change the subject.
I graduated with my bachelors degree, though. I sometimes add.
Foot in mouth. Now they’re going to ask me what I studied.
English and journalism, I reply.
I can just see their smug little grins underneath their fake “Oh, how wonderful.”
When really they’re saying, “Ha ha, an English graduate who’s at home without a real job. Go figure.”
Okay, okay, maybe they’re not all thinking that.
In my defense though, I tried my hand at the kind of job I thought I wanted after graduation and I hated it, so now I’m trying to look at other options.
And anyway, I love where I am in my life right now. The only thing that makes me not love it is the pressure I feel from everything and everyone else.
Sure I’m not pursuing my Ph.D or getting that coveted promotion, but I sure love what I am doing right now. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: I’m actually happy. I have a husband who adores me. I get to look after an incredible child. I have family who support me in ways I can’t even express. That’s already a lot to be grateful for.
Speaking of husbands, when I was feeling all discouraged about that “talk about your career” question, he gave me some good words to calm me down a bit (which happens often, because I need calming down often, lulz).
He basically said: It’s all about perspective. You might wish you could do a particular thing, and someone else who’s doing that thing might say they wish they could do something else. Don’t get caught up in that system, because it’s a black hole. Be grateful for what you’ve done, and be the light.
And you know what, I will be that light. I’m so blessed with what I have right now. I don’t have to chase things I don’t really want just because I’ll “feel better” when I tell people what I do for a living.
Is it wrong for me to want to be happy, to have a better quality of life and to do the things I love and am happy doing instead of chasing something I’d hate because it makes good money?
I am more concerned with doing what God wants me to do with my life, not what other people think I should do. I just have to remember that.