Podcasts have become my thing as of late (especially since I’ve been fasting from my music, more on this in a later post).
I listened to one where the host talked about personal growth. She said there isn’t real growth in someone unless that someone perseveres through challenges.
I liked and hated this statement.
I liked it because yes, I’m all about growth and progress.
I hated it because, man…have I really grown that much, then?
I feel as if I want to give up right away when something becomes too stressful or challenging. I’m like a dandelion instead of an oak. Dust instead of stone.
I find comfort in running away from what scares me or from what is difficult.
Already I was thinking of excuses, thinking of instances when not persevering might be appropriate: Well what if _______ is really not for me and that’s why I’m struggling through it so much? That’s a good enough reason to quit, isn’t it?
While I do believe that has truth (e.g., grad school for me) I think there have been some things I shied away from purely because I didn’t want to struggle through them. I hate struggling. I mean, who doesn’t?
So I kind of cringe when things that are supposed to be encouraging and uplifting have the opposite affect on me. (Ughhh I really don’t want to watch this motivational video because I know I’ll feel a direct rebuke to my own drive and motivation.)
I know, what a baby I am right? Everything in life doesn’t come easy. You have to work for things and work through things.
One of the things I have psyched myself out of is parenthood. I’ve written about this one before, see my Panic on the Streets of Parenthood post.
Time after time I’m reminded of why I do not want children. Here are a few reasons:
- I like sleep.
- I like freedom to get a taro slush with boba at 8:30 p.m.
- I like only having to cook for two people.
- I like not having to worry about supporting another life form aside from my cat.
- I like the idea of bypassing the teenage phase entirely.
- I like not having to add an extra person into my love-o-sphere and therefore have to worry about that person all the bloody time.
I can go on.
But that last one is a biggie.
Call me a crazy Christian, but I believe our time here on Earth isn’t going to last much longer. And I also believe that things are going to get a heck of a lot worse than they are. And if I believe that, why the davies would I want to bring another being into this crazy, evil world?
So I could worry about her? So I could dread every waking moment we are apart? So I can deal with a potentially wayward son who after years of our caring and nurturing decides to damn us both to hell?
Like I said, I can think of countless reasons I don’t want to be a parent.
But then God showed me something. He planted a thought. And that was this: “Yes, parenthood is indeed a challenge. But it might be the challenge you need in this life.”
A challenge that I need to persevere through.
If God is leading, He will provide the strength for me to do it.
Wow. What a load of fear removed from my shoulders.
I don’t need to be afraid.
I trust God with my life. I trust God with the life of my children, should it be His will for us to have any. I will trust in Him.
And those challenges just might be what I need.