fear – A Heart for Heaven

How to Get People to Stop Worrying About You

When worry, well, worries you.

(Just kidding, you really can’t).

But it would be nice wouldn’t it, to stop worrying and to have other people stop worrying?

In light of the tragic incident that happened here in San Bernardino County, CA Wednesday and in light of a conversation I had with someone, I feel the need to write about something I think we can all relate to:

worry.

I’ve always worried too much, even in my youth.

Yes, there are lots of things I worry about.

There are times when something will spark in my mind, and I’ll dwell on it until it snowballs, causing my heart to race to the point where I either start crying or completely stonewall.

I know, what a cry baby. I get caught up in the “what ifs” and it terrifies me to think of anything tragic happening to any of my loved ones. Yes, that includes my darling little kitty love (cue baby voice).

And hearing about tragedies makes me wonder how I would act or what I would do in those situations. I often find myself thinking about what I could do to prevent those things that scare me from happening, or how to be prepared, or how I would cope with loss…

A crazy thing about Wednesday’s tragedy is that it happened blocks away from where I babysit a precious little one year old every week…blocks away from where we go on our morning strolls together.

Immediately, I thought: there is no way I’m going to want to go walking now.

And I also immediately thought about how all the God-scoffers out there are probably thinking:

How can anyone believe in God when all these tragedies are happening?

But, that’s another post for another time.

Juxtaposed with worrying about what’s happening around me is the worry people have for me. They worry about my future, my plans, my career goals, how I’m going to make it in this world…

Some people believe what I’m currently doing is not what most people view as “success,” and I get that.

I don’t agree with it, but it is what it is.

If people are worried for me, especially when I feel they really don’t need to be, it stresses and bums me out, almost to the point where it wrecks part of my day (because I’m in my head a lot).

I could easily get wrapped up in worry. Worry about what others think of me, worry about who I might offend with my blog posts, worried about the nasty comments I’ll get, worry about using my education, worry about making enough money and being successful…

But who defines success?

For me, bringing someone to Christ is a success.

Most people, even Christians, don’t think that way. We all get wrapped up in worry and wrapped up in how the world defines wisdom and prosperity.

I could scream at the top of my lungs the reasons why people don’t need to worry about my current situation, but that won’t do any good.

What does good, at least for me, is what God has to say.

There is so much beauty in God’s promises, justice, and love.

In times of great stress, great kings turned to God. In times of great loss, humble men turned to God. In times of persecution, the apostles turned to God.

On the cross, Christ turned to God.

Fret not, trust, be still and know…

that God is God.

I believe He has a plan for me, and I believe I’m in the exact place He wants me to be right now. I just have to commit and be patient, no matter what people say or think.

My vision of success is not your visions of success, or anyone else’s for that matter.

God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Though the earth be removed, I will not fear (Ps.46:1,2)

I could live my life in constant worry, but is that really living?

Until next,

There’s a Darkness Inside

I’ve been at a state of unrest.

For the last month or so, I’ve felt this heaviness that has been weighing me down. Quite literally, my heart has felt like it’s sinking.

I’ve been seeing media filled with ugliness, diffusing darkness and pervading pure evil.

Some of what I have seen is for social awareness, while some of it is just plain evil for the sake of entertainment.

It makes me sick. It makes me sad. It makes me all sorts of mess.

Last week, what seemed to be an innocent act of watching an old movie on some old channel on a Sunday afternoon turned out to be a wellspring of unwanted images.

And I am yet again reminded of why I don’t watch all that much of anything anymore.

Whoever said we are not affected by what we see/watch/hear should allow me to be a part of their next case study…

Because I am most definitely affected.

And man, I just wanted to run somewhere and throw up.

And even writing this right now is bringing back those feelings,

›››BUT‹‹‹

This post is by no means to highlight the darkness. Rather, it is to highlight the light.

Two days ago, I was listening to a sermon my mom had given me a few weeks ago.

It took me those few weeks to finally listen to it, but the timing couldn’t have been better.

It was about fear, and at the very opposite side of the spectrum, faith.

And as I was listening to this particular sermon, I was on my way to teach my class at church.

A class in which we just happened to be learning about how faith in our lives is so important.

The timing, I say!!

It took that sermon and some tears to make me see that the fear, anxieties, sadness, and burdens I have been feeling could only and all be lifted away by Christ and the faith I put in Him.

And then those four sweet words…

“Ye shall find rest”

A wise woman writes: “[Christ] has borne the burden of our guilt. He will take the load from our weary shoulders. He will give us rest. The burden of care and sorrow also He will bear. He invites us to cast all our cares upon Him…”

That was it. I was burdened, weary, and heavy-laden, and I was not giving those weights and feelings to God. I was weighed down by the burdens that only Christ can remove.

So I gave it all to Him.

There are times I feel so guilty and weighed down by the things I’ve done and the problems I see, that I question my own existence.

But then I hear a sermon that reminds me not to let fear take over my life, and to remember the faith I have in God and the promises He makes.

And to hold onto that faith.

This is incredible liberation.

So whenever I feel this way again, whenever I let the bad things in the world or in myself get me down, I can remember to cast my cares upon Him, because He cares.

Thank God for that.

❤

Girl Afraid

It’s been way, unacceptably long since I’ve blogged. A lot has gone on in the last month…losing a loved one…starting a new job…leaving an old one…

Swirls of feelings have been flurrying up all over the place. And to add even more to all that, I’ve been feeling super irritated and bratty lately, which makes me feel quite rebellious.

And I’ve noticed a heavy theme throughout all of it:

Fear.

I’ll bypass details of how I got my first full time job for now, but I’ll note the definite fear I felt the two weeks prior to starting.

I was so afraid of starting this job, and I’m still afraid even though I’ve already started, though the initial nerves have gone down a bit. I was so afraid of my first day… afraid of committing to a daily job… afraid of being full time…afraid of losing my flexible schedule I’ve known since forever… afraid of being the new girl…afraid of messing up…

Just, afraid.

Why?

I notice I’m quite scared of any kind of change, really. I’m afraid of letting things go and starting anew. Attachment to comfortability is a bit of a struggle for me.

I think most people I know just grab circumstances by the horns and ride them, like a boss.

I don’t have that kind of confidence, not at first anyway. I’m just terrified of making mistakes and even more terrified of the repercussions, so starting new projects is quite scary. And I end up overthinking about my fear of messing up that I actually mess up.

Yeah, I know, I just have to build tough skin.

They even told me that during my interview for this job.

And yes, I absolutely do, no doubt about that.

But how?

How do you deal with fear?

When the corporate and/or grown-up world can be such a cut-throat environment, how do you deal?

And on a different note, losing a loved one is a whole other fear giant I’m way too afraid to battle.

How would I react? I didn’t really know how I was going to handle another death, and this recent reaction was different from the one I had when other loved ones passed away a couple years ago.

No matter what you or I may think about death and what happens after, it still really sucks and can be hard to grasp.

Fear.

I read a story today about a former classmate of mine who was attacked by a stranger with a machete while walking to his car. And my coworkers shared how someone we work with was stabbed while minding his own business on his lawn…

What. the. HECK.

How does this stuff happen? Why does it happen? No wonder people are so afraid of each other and so unfriendly towards one another.

It kind of made me trail into thoughts of paranoia…

Oh man, should I even be walking on the streets alone, even in daylight? Can I even go out to my car by myself? I’m not going to be friendly or helpful to anyone at all, ever.

But that is NO way to live. Paranoia is a mental death trap.

I recently bought a topical Bible concordance, and all this build up of fear had me running to it, flipping to its pages filled with verses about fear.

And I found the well-known verse: Psalm 23:4. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me…

I saw an animation dealing with this verse, and it showed a character about to walk through this dark, foggy path…discouraging voices shouting things to him as he made his way across, reciting it aloud.

And that made me think: What is my dark valley?

My depression is one. My temptations are one. My fear is one.

Though I walk through the darkness of depression, temptations, and fear, Lord, I will fear no evil, for You are with me…

And the most comforting ones I found:

I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.- Ps. 34:4

What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee. -Ps. 56:3

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help…Therefore, will not we fear. -Ps.46:1-2

I read these and felt relief, peaceful.

These last few days have been a bit rough for me in terms of my attitude and emotions, and as I reread these verses, I can only pray the peace they gave me a couple weeks ago can reach me now…

And I hope they can reach you, too.

♥ em