There’s a Darkness Inside

I’ve been at a state of unrest.

For the last month or so, I’ve felt this heaviness that has been weighing me down. Quite literally, my heart has felt like it’s sinking.

I’ve been seeing media filled with ugliness, diffusing darkness and pervading pure evil.

Some of what I have seen is for social awareness, while some of it is just plain evil for the sake of entertainment.

It makes me sick. It makes me sad. It makes me all sorts of mess.

Last week, what seemed to be an innocent act of watching an old movie on some old channel on a Sunday afternoon turned out to be a wellspring of unwanted images.

And I am yet again reminded of why I don’t watch all that much of anything anymore.

Whoever said we are not affected by what we see/watch/hear should allow me to be a part of their next case study…

Because I am most definitely affected.

And man, I just wanted to run somewhere and throw up.

And even writing this right now is bringing back those feelings,


This post is by no means to highlight the darkness. Rather, it is to highlight the light.

Two days ago, I was listening to a sermon my mom had given me a few weeks ago.

It took me those few weeks to finally listen to it, but the timing couldn’t have been better.

It was about fear, and at the very opposite side of the spectrum, faith.

And as I was listening to this particular sermon, I was on my way to teach my class at church.

A class in which we just happened to be learning about how faith in our lives is so important.

The timing, I say!!

It took that sermon and some tears to make me see that the fear, anxieties, sadness, and burdens I have been feeling could only and all be lifted away by Christ and the faith I put in Him.

And then those four sweet words…

“Ye shall find rest”

A wise woman writes: “[Christ] has borne the burden of our guilt. He will take the load from our weary shoulders. He will give us rest. The burden of care and sorrow also He will bear. He invites us to cast all our cares upon Him…”

That was it. I was burdened, weary, and heavy-laden, and I was not giving those weights and feelings to God. I was weighed down by the burdens that only Christ can remove.

So I gave it all to Him.

There are times I feel so guilty and weighed down by the things I’ve done and the problems I see, that I question my own existence.

But then I hear a sermon that reminds me not to let fear take over my life, and to remember the faith I have in God and the promises He makes.

And to hold onto that faith.

This is incredible liberation.

So whenever I feel this way again, whenever I let the bad things in the world or in myself get me down,  I can remember to cast my cares upon Him, because He cares.

Thank God for that.


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