Above In My Head, Instead of Going Under

I know you’ve probably heard this before, or have even said it yourself:

I care too much.

I care too much about someone, I care too much about my job, I care too much about fitting the exact label and exact standard I’ve set for myself…

Is it possible to care too much?

I think I do, and am wondering if the things I care about are even worth all the stress.

Suitcases on the bed, chemicals in the house, plastic in the microwave, genetically modified fruit in the fridge, cat litter on the carpet…

I put so much emphasis on things I drive myself, and others around me, a little bit crazy.

I care about people, animals, the environment.

I want to end food waste because people are starving in my own neighborhood.

I want to stop buying clothes from Forever 21 because the people making the clothes in Bangladesh are dying in collapsing buildings and getting paid crap.

I want to buy only organic cotton and use reusable everything because I want to eliminate my exposure to toxins and limit my output of waste I dump into landfills.

I want to renounce all things in my diet that are from animal sources because I spend hours at the animal shelter every week. (I’m a vegetarian who is mostly plant based, but I do dabble with dairy every now and again.)

I want to do everything and make the best choices and be the best person and do the best things… and it gets a little mentally exhausting.

A small, teeny, tiny part of me thinks: Why care so much? Are you really going to change the world by the choices you make?

People are still going to be greedy, the planet is still going to deteriorate, people are still going to mistreat animals and eat meat…

But is that really the way to think? Do my small choices really not matter?

I can’t see myself ceasing to care about these things. I’m too invested, and know a little too much to just throw my hands up and feign ignorance.

But how do I keep myself from crying over it all, from getting too upset about so many things that need changing? 

How do I find that balance? How do I care without caring too much?

I really don’t think there is such a thing.

(To be continued in what might be a Girl Afraid Part 2.)

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