I’m So Proud

What really is the driving force behind your reactions?

Sometimes does what you do seem so incredibly annoying that you wonder why you even exist? Okay, maybe you don’t take it to that extreme, but you get what I’m saying.

Why is it that we do things we know will make us look silly? Or that we know we’ll regret?  Or we know will annoy this person? Or even more spectacularly, why do we do what we told ourselves not to do just a few minutes earlier? It’s like we willingly walk into it sometimes!

I’m currently reading this book where the author says time and time again that people’s rude, mean, unloving, etc. behavior doesn’t mean their intent was rude, mean, unloving, etc.

I don’t know why, but I have a hard time grasping that. How can I look past someone’s behavior without thinking their intent is what lead them to behave that way?

Well, to put things into perspective, he states plainly that not many people wake up thinking, “Hey, how can I make this person’s life miserable today?” It’s just human nature to make mistakes, and sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us.

It’s at those times when my emotions get the best of me that I would rather just go off somewhere by myself and chill out for a sec…just grab some crackers and watch some anime, and things will be okay.

Though what I really should do in those moments is pray, and definitely not mope.

I don’t want to react certain ways. But you see, what it really comes down to is pride. My pride is what makes me react certain ways. Pride is what gets people into disagreements, arguments, and full-on fights. Pride can be deadly.

People hold grudges and don’t apologize because of pride. Marriages are ruined because of pride. People turn from God because of pride.

One day I left the radio on for my cat while I got ready to leave for the day. I had to scan to a random station for a good signal, and it landed on what I thought was a talk show, so I left it there. But when I got home, it was playing a song that caught my attention. Its lyrics basically were about not needing Jesus because faith in oneself is enough.

Pride. Pride is what helped that person write that song.

It got me thinking, that person probably had some really bad experience(s) in their life that led them to feel this way.

The other day I came across a status update I had written a few years ago about religion. Someone had replied, saying people who step away from religion most likely had some traumatic experience. I don’t think it was coincidence that I came across that old post shortly after I heard that song.

Pride, either hurt pride or inflated pride, is what drives us to make a lot of the decisions we make, and is also what formulates the way we think.

I’m trying to decide if I should talk about something that recently happened to me right now or if I should wait for another post…

Well, let me just say this for now: Last week I read a lot about what it means to be meek.

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It’s doing the right thing even when you’re wronged. It’s being kind when people aren’t kind back. Meekness is not in my character. I tend to get sassy and bratty when things don’t go my way. Well, I guess I’m kind of a mixed bag. I don’t like confrontation and often avoid it, but I equally dislike being mistreated or seeing a loved one being mistreated. I also definitely don’t like not getting my way (yes, I’m guilty). But I’ve accepted that meekness should be the dominant part of my character, because it is the exact opposite of pride. I don’t need more pride in my life. Pride is no bueno, especially in a marriage.

I feel my pride needs to take a back seat. I need to take what hurts my feelings and overlook them, or more accurately, give them to God. This is a major struggle for me and I constantly need to be praying for self to be put last. I’m not always going to get what I want or hear what I want to hear.

Also, I’m just going to come out and say it: it’s always about other people before it’s about you. Okay, okay, before you toss your stones at me, I realize there are some major exceptions. But again, this is where prayer and seeking advice comes into play, at least for me. How do I determine those exceptions?

Generally speaking, I’ve decided I want to put others’ needs before my own.

Meekness is not a sign of weakness, and pride is not a trait we should be fueling.

Meekness is a sign of maturity, at least in my book. Am I going to sit back and let someone abuse my child? No. Am I going to sit back and let someone write hate comments and tell me I’m dumb for believing in God? Yes.

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”

Until I talk about that thing that recently happened to me in my next post,