Author: aheartforheaven

More Than a Conqueror

A Conqueror. That’s what we were. LAHS Conquerors. My high school mascot. I never thought more than a decade later I would be thinking about high school or our mascot or what being a conqueror means…Well, I take that back. I think about high school a lot. But I don’t think about it in ways I thought I would –– you know, like most people my age would –– missing and longing for those carefree days of staying up late texting on a 2004 Motorola phone and taking drives in a friend’s old van.

Yeah, sometimes I miss high school. But mostly, I don’t.

I don’t miss it because well, I feel a bit gross thinking about the things I did, how I acted, who I hung around with, the friends who became enemies…

The other day my dad came to visit and as he was holding our baby he said to me, “I’m proud of you. You’ve really taken on your role as a mother. It’s so different from that spoiled brat you were in high school.”

I laughed.

Because I was indeed, a brat. A “typical” teenage brat. The ones you see in those awful teen movies and shows on Netflix. The ones who are driven by selfishness and sensual pleasures.

Yeah. That was me.

And I’m telling you, I get disgusted thinking about it.

Even though I’m nearing my thirties, I still feel the weight (guilt) of my teenage/young adult choices.

I really wish I could go back and change things.

But that’s not really the main point of my post.

What I really what to talk about is how equipped I was to handle those teenage scenarios I faced.

I wasn’t equipped.

Even though for all of my life I felt the need to know God, I didn’t really “know” much of anything. Thinking about it now I wonder what “knowing” God actually meant to me back then.

I know now that I needed more than whatever it was I “knew.” I needed more. I still need more.

Even though I made really bad choices, I know now that God has promised to make me more than what I was then….more than a conqueror.

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

Romans 8:37

And that is always what I have to remember.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking about how dreadful, dark, and dreary a state our world is in ––– how impossible it sometimes feels to overcome division and hostility…to stand up for principle… to hold on to beliefs when a lot of the world finds those beliefs foolish…

But it’s great knowing I’ve become more…

And knowing that I –– and we –– all can become

more.

xx

Vlogmas 2018!

Sooooo I decided to do vlogmas this year! As I say in the video I’m no one cool in the YouTube world, but I still wanted to take a swing at it anyway because, why not? Making memories right?! It’s 2018 and I’m a millennial, so it’s almost a must XD

It’ll be broken into parts, so here’s Part I for those of you want to watch this dorky mug vlog like a noob ;P

If I’m Insulted, Will I Care?

“If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.” 1 Peter 4

I’m just going to answer that question in the title right away…

YES, of course I’ll care! I care even now…

I get all emotional and feel like I shrivel up whenever I hear people talk about the things I believe in, specifically when people talk badly about God and those who believe in God.

I mean, people have been and are killed for believing in God, in my country and others.

Whoa. Would I be willing to be killed for believing in God? Would I say ‘Yes, I believe in God’ when I have a gun to my face?

I can barely handle reading nasty anti-God comments on the internet. 

I’d like to pretend that we won’t face any kind if suffering while on this earth, but just chapter 4 of 1 Peter alone tells a different story. This book in the Bible says “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; 13 but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.“

So we’re to expect trials to come our way. YIKES. I don’t like the sound of that one bit. Who would?

But my understanding is that we have to get to that point. We have to be wiling to be insulted for our principles and beliefs. 

How do we get there? Does that faith, loyalty, and bravery happen over night?

I’d dare to say that no, it doesn’t. 

We practice our faith every day, in the big things and in the little things. 

How are you practicing your faith?

I want to end with this, this first verses of 1 Peter 4: Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, 2 that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God.

That’s how we practice our faith. We cease from sin. We cease from doing what we know is wrong, cease from breaking God’s precious law of liberty when we know better, cease from following the desires, customs, and lusts of a sinful world.

Stand up. Do what is right. Listen to God’s word and His voice.

And it’s possible. 

“Stand up, stand up for Jesus.

The strife will not be long.

This day the noise of battle, the next the victor’s song.

To those who vanquish evil
A crown of life shall be; 
They with the King of Glory
Shall reign eternally.”

Am I Ready?

In my reading and study of Revelation 1 and 2 and 2 Timothy 3, the theme of readiness and persecution are very clear. 

I’ve talked about this before-the threat and fear of persecution. I’ve written how the idea of being derided for what I believe terrifies me. It’s crazy. I can stand up until I’m blue in the face and talk about/defend something so trivial compared to my beliefs in God, but when it comes to defending God and biblical principles I shrink back.

I’m concerned about how people will view me, how “Jesus-freak”-ish I’ll look.

Why?

Shouldn’t I be past that by now? 

In parts of the world, people are being killed for believing in God. That’s not quite happening in my sphere, but if I’m unable to stand up for Christ amongst my peers, amongst friends, family, the internet, how will I stand when death threatens me?

All of this reminds me how important it is to know why we Christians believe things we believe.

Why do we believe in God, in the Bible? Why do we call ourselves ‘Christian’? 

We-disciples of God- are to be people of the Word, studying for ourselves the principles we claim to stand for. Spewing what pastors say or only relying on paragraphs from some devotional book isn’t going to cut it.

The Word of God is a glimpse into the mind of God. Only by its study are we able to understand. 

So am I ready?

Am I ready to stand for principle, even when everyone is against me?

God’s principles never change. When we are faithful to those true principles of God, people will deride us. Even amongst other Christians, we can find ourselves pinned against a wall and persecuting one another.

So what are the right principles? What is truth and what is error? Because a belief is popular, does that make it right? Because it’s unpopular, does that make it wrong?

I’m totally guilty of being caught up in repeating what I’ve heard others say and have gotten stuck when people ask me to defend that point of view. It’s frustrating and embarrassing, but also reminds me to review why I believe certain things.

Why do you believe what you believe?

Am I ready to stand, even I’f I’m standing alone?

Are you?

Awake, You Who Sleep (Now is the Time)

Not long ago I wrote a Facebook post about being tired. I was tired of being caught in the middle of social expectations and spiritual growth. I was tired of making excuses for bad habits and bad character traits, for myself and for others. Now, not only am I tired, I’m saddened. I’m saddened by the trap we find ourselves in. I am saddened that we have resorted to accepting “this is who I am” in order to cover up our flaws and bad choices. I’m saddened by hearing this from people who say they believe in God, who supposedly believe in the changing power that He has to transform us.

Except if we say that, we don’t really believe in God’s transforming power. If we did, we wouldn’t make such excuses.

And because of that, I’m saddened.

I’m saddened because to me, those responses indicate that we really don’t believe God is powerful. Those responses indicate that grace doesn’t exist, that Christ wasn’t a good enough example or sacrifice, that people can’t change.

I’m saddened. 

 I am saddened by the idea that people would rather choose their lifestyle choices than trust in God. We’d rather deny the power God has to change us for the better in order to hold onto our lusts and desires.

That’s what makes me sad.

There is a standard for Christians and there is no excuse for sin or for breaking God’s law. And we are deceived by believing that those who hold onto sin can inherit the kingdom of God (See Ephesians 5). We, God’s people, are called out of darkness. 

What is grace but the power to overcome what’s impossible to overcome on our own? That is what God’s grace is all about. 

I’m not sure where this idea came from that because we are under “grace” we can do whatever we want and still be accepted as worthy to be in the presence of God and be part of God’s people. That’s not what my Bible tells me. 

My Bible tells me to not be unwise. To understand what the will of the Lord is, to be filled with the spirit, to walk in the light, to come out of darkness.

My Bible tells me God’s grace is sufficient to help us overcome sin and that we can be molded into His likeness.

Aren’t we tired of letting Satan have control over our lives?

Is that really how we want to live here on this earth? Do we want to be ensnared by an enemy who’s keen on seeing us be destroyed? Do we want to choose a path of destruction instead of a path of life? 

Do we want to live our lives making bad choice after bad choice, and then wonder why we’re not going to the glorious kingdom to be with our Redeemer for eternity?

Let us not be fooled, friends. It’s no mystery. Sin separates us from God. We cannot be in His presence for eternity if we have chosen to sin in this life.

Is whatever sin we’re holding onto really worth it?

Christ has made a provision that the Holy Spirit shall be imparted to every repentant soul, to keep him from sinning. Satan is jubilant when he hears the professed followers of Christ making excuses for their deformity of character. There is no excuse for sinning. A holy temper, a Christlike life, is accessible to every repenting, believing child of God. The ideal of Christian character is Christlikeness.

Desire of Ages, 311

There’s POWER in Christ. Power to change. 

It’s time for us to wake up. It’s time for us to walk in wisdom, to not let ourselves be fooled any longer. 

Tomorrow isn’t promised. Let’s make our choice today.

Until next,

No Dead Dogs

I know, the title is a little morbid. But honestly, it’s appropriate.
I recently did a vlog post about affliction and how I hate the idea of having to go through trials.
In the vlog I talk about how I don’t even like to set up mouse traps or kill ants because the idea of death makes me sad.

Just yesterday I saw a few stray dogs wandering by a busy street, and I thought, “Oh please don’t let them get hit…”
And I couldn’t really focus on much after that because I was fixated on the idea of them being roadkill and having to see their dead bodies.

I DON’T WANT TO SEE DEAD DOGS.

Since we had to drive down the same street to go back home, I kept my eyes closed and my face covered until we reached our house.

A few months ago I saw a dog get hit. Not long before that we ran over a squirrel.

I did NOT need to see this happen again!!!

Honesty, I don’t think I could be in the medical field or part of our military.
I’d lose my mind.

But maybe that’s what I need in order to toughen up, eh? Get thicker skin.

My skin is as thin as rice paper.

Thinking about death not only makes me sad, it makes me angry.
It makes me angry because death, sickness, heartache, pain…are all a result sin.

I saw someone wearing something the other day that said: “Sinners are Winners.”

wow.

If only he knew the weight of that statement…

Sinners are winners? Really?

I would have never chosen to be part of this dark world. Yet here I am. And I have to find light and joy and hope even amidst it all.

I would never dare say sinners are winners because every single awful thing on this planet is a result of sin.

And that doesn’t sound like winning to me.

As hard as it is for me to hear about/experience affliction, turmoil, tragedies (aka results of sin), God’s promises are there for the clinging. I know I can pray and cry and pray some more…

And trust that I’ll find peace and assurance.

But that’s easier said than done.

In Sight of Sin

Sometimes I forget.

I forget the type of person I used to be.

But other times, I remember. I remember it well.

And for those moments when I do remember, those moments when things I’ve done or used to do replay before me, I cringe. I cringe in horror. I shudder in shame. I shrink back in disgust.

That person…was me?

Sometimes when we let ourselves be consumed by whatever we feel at the moment or let ourselves be molded by what surrounds us, we become something we never thought we would ever become.

By beholding, I became.

Sometimes I feel that person still inside me. My sins spread out before me like fresh blood on a white rug. They are all there. Thankfully they aren’t displayed for everyone else to see.

But I want to say this: Something I have to consistently remember is even though I may have done those things or were part of a certain lifestyle in the past, choosing to follow Christ is what helps me keep those doors closed.

I have chosen to leave it behind.

It’s all a choice.

Anyone who chooses to follow Christ is a new creation; old things have passed away; all things have become new ( 2 Corinthians 5:17).

New.

If I were the same person I used to be, I wouldn’t be transformed. Dare I say, I wouldn’t even be a Christian. What would be the point?

Once we make a commitment to Christ, we are called to put off the old man and be renewed (Ephesians 4: 22-23), to be light bearers in a darkened world. To show there’s hope amidst what seems hopeless.

Christians hear and say this all the time, that God has an unconditional and inconceivable love for us. And He does. That love is there no matter where we are in our lives. He doesn’t love me any more or any less than he loves you.

We experience that love when we let Him into our lives. It must be an individual experience. I can sit here all day writing about God’s love and how He has changed my life. Though that can be helpful, only you can understand it fully when you experience it yourself.

Some more wonderful news is that God works in us to do good things, to change us the way we need and want to be changed.

The repercussions of my past actions are scars on my heart.

But I surrendered that part of me. And I have changed and will continue to change.

That’s the power of God.

People can say that the only reason I am different now is that I was driven to be different, and therefore can attribute those changes to the power I have within myself.

Oh boy, I can write another post about how false that is.

I don’t have that kind of power.

I do know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can overcome my propensities, practices, and habits that I know are dragging me down.

Every habit or practice that leads into sin and brings dishonor upon Christ must be put away, whatever the sacrifice.” -Acts of the Apostles, 312

When I made the decision to follow God (because I was so unhappy, broken, and miserable even though I was living with total “freedom”), there were some things I knew I needed to change. There were heartbreaking sacrfices I made. I questioned if the sacrifices were worth it and if it was even the right thing to do.

Was it worth it? I don’t even think I have to answer that. But I will. Yes.

So when I am burdened and stand in sight of my sins, I remember how faithful God is. I find hope in the promise that Christ will perfect our faith, perfect our characters. If we choose to serve God and let Him lead us, He will not lead us astray.

Triumph.

 

Until next,

Yes, I have loved you

How is everyone doing on this fine night? Well, it’s nighttime where I live in sunny SoCal. Maybe it’s morning where you are, or maybe it’s afternoon. Either way, thanks for being here.

So I’ve been thinking about how sometimes I get really caught up in being perfect in my walk with God that I skim over what drew me to Him in the first place.

Love.

I don’t say that lightly or even as a cliché Christian catchphrase. It really was and is and will always be His love.

I’ve realized that maybe one reason people don’t like the idea of God, or any single infinite being, is that they think about some tyrant in the sky who has no other interest other than making people afraid, condemning people to death, and watching them suffer on earth.

Because that’s what they hear, isn’t it?

Or they hear that all is love, love, love, love that the term starts sounding like an overplayed tune. Or how I like to say it, a flavorless and over-chewed piece of gum.

Except here’s the thing. When I reflect on texts like Jeremiah 31:3 and Hosea 11:4, I can’t help but feel peace about the choice I’ve made in believing in and following God.

It was love that drew me to Him. Not the promise of immortality or someday walking on streets of gold, but love. The love He has for everyone. Everyone. Not just Christians, not just me, but everyone.

And it’s only when I started to listen to His call on my heart that I began to see and accept His love for me.

You know, if I had to condense my conversion in one paragraph, it would be this:

I was doing everything and anything I wanted to do in my life. I lived purely for pleasure. And it felt good…for the moment. Deep down I was miserable. I needed something more, and I knew it. It was only by choosing to attend Bible studies and choosing to let God into my life that I started to feel meaning and purpose. I started to feel less and less empty.

And I want to share that joy with others, with you.

I can’t tell you how your experience will be. I can’t guess what your experience has been. But I do know that becoming a Christian does not happen overnight. It’s a process of learning, of growing, of accepting.

It starts with one choice.

 

Even though the struggle of temptations is very real, I could never go back to my old life. Never.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love…with lovingkindness I have drawn you…”

It is that lovingkindness, that deep tenderness and consideration, that keeps me tied to God.

It’s what keeps me tied to my choices. Even when they go against the popular scientific belief of the non-existence of God. Even when I chose to follow something I know is right when everyone else tells me I’m wrong.

And I pray that it is that love that always will keep me tied to Him. For me, for you, for all of us.

Remember, it starts with a choice.

Until next,

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Hide It Under a Bushel

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this way.

But let’s be honest: these feelings happen more often than I would like.

Just to go back in time a little, when I was 21 years old and first really started to veer away from my old lifestyle, I quickly realized that being around all the things, places, and people I hung around wasn’t good for my progress; It was temptation overload.

And I used to be embarrassed to explain why I couldn’t go out to that certain place or partake in certain activities or be around a certain person. But handling those situations has gotten a little easier over the years.

And it’s especially easier now because I hang around different people.

But then it happens: I’m around certain people in certain situations and I really can’t do anything about it. (Except, of course, leave early haha).

And I feel shame and embarrassment for my choices all over again.

Why?

Well, I feel as though my lifestyle is offensive to them, and me being the noncombative person I am (for the most part) I automatically feel like I have to tone it (who I am and what I stand for) down a bit. Sometimes a lot. I probably eat things I shouldn’t eat, say things I shouldn’t say, talk about and agree with things I shouldn’t talk about or agree with anymore…

Or I just stay quiet, haha. Which can get awkward…

I necessarily don’t know (or am not sure ) if doing any of that is right or wrong. I want to be a good example and show how my life has changed, but I certainly don’t want to give off this self-righteous “holier-than-thou” attitude.

So I tone it down. But in the end, I feel awful. I feel awful for feeling ashamed of my choices, I feel awful for the people I was just with, I feel awful for feeling awful.

But should I care? If so, how much should I care?

 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16.

Let my light shine. Not hide it under a bushel. If I have no problem saying how much I love my husband or my cat, I really should be better at standing up for my lifestyle choices… right?

I don’t know. What do you think?

Until next,