It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this way.
But let’s be honest: these feelings happen more often than I would like.
Just to go back in time a little, when I was 21 years old and first really started to veer away from my old lifestyle, I quickly realized that being around all the things, places, and people I hung around wasn’t good for my progress; It was temptation overload.
And I used to be embarrassed to explain why I couldn’t go out to that certain place or partake in certain activities or be around a certain person. But handling those situations has gotten a little easier over the years.
And it’s especially easier now because I hang around different people.
But then it happens: I’m around certain people in certain situations and I really can’t do anything about it. (Except, of course, leave early haha).
And I feel shame and embarrassment for my choices all over again.
Well, I feel as though my lifestyle is offensive to them, and me being the noncombative person I am (for the most part) I automatically feel like I have to tone it (who I am and what I stand for) down a bit. Sometimes a lot. I probably eat things I shouldn’t eat, say things I shouldn’t say, talk about and agree with things I shouldn’t talk about or agree with anymore…
Or I just stay quiet, haha. Which can get awkward…
I necessarily don’t know (or am not sure ) if doing any of that is right or wrong. I want to be a good example and show how my life has changed, but I certainly don’t want to give off this self-righteous “holier-than-thou” attitude.
So I tone it down. But in the end, I feel awful. I feel awful for feeling ashamed of my choices, I feel awful for the people I was just with, I feel awful for feeling awful.
But should I care? If so, how much should I care?
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16.
Let my light shine. Not hide it under a bushel. If I have no problem saying how much I love my husband or my cat, I really should be better at standing up for my lifestyle choices… right?
I don’t know. What do you think?