Hide It Under a Bushel

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this way.

But let’s be honest: these feelings happen more often than I would like.

Just to go back in time a little, when I was 21 years old and first really started to veer away from my old lifestyle, I quickly realized that being around all the things, places, and people I hung around wasn’t good for my progress; It was temptation overload.

And I used to be embarrassed to explain why I couldn’t go out to that certain place or partake in certain activities or be around a certain person. But handling those situations has gotten a little easier over the years.

And it’s especially easier now because I hang around different people.

But then it happens: I’m around certain people in certain situations and I really can’t do anything about it. (Except, of course, leave early haha).

And I feel shame and embarrassment for my choices all over again.

Why?

Well, I feel as though my lifestyle is offensive to them, and me being the noncombative person I am (for the most part) I automatically feel like I have to tone it (who I am and what I stand for) down a bit. Sometimes a lot. I probably eat things I shouldn’t eat, say things I shouldn’t say, talk about and agree with things I shouldn’t talk about or agree with anymore…

Or I just stay quiet, haha. Which can get awkward…

I necessarily don’t know (or am not sure ) if doing any of that is right or wrong. I want to be a good example and show how my life has changed, but I certainly don’t want to give off this self-righteous “holier-than-thou” attitude.

So I tone it down. But in the end, I feel awful. I feel awful for feeling ashamed of my choices, I feel awful for the people I was just with, I feel awful for feeling awful.

But should I care? If so, how much should I care?

 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16.

Let my light shine. Not hide it under a bushel. If I have no problem saying how much I love my husband or my cat, I really should be better at standing up for my lifestyle choices… right?

I don’t know. What do you think?

Until next,

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One thought on “Hide It Under a Bushel”

  1. Hi Mija, we all experience the same feelings when making changes in our lives. So don’t feel bad. There’s nothing wrong with saying “no thank you or I don’t think or do that anymore “. If they’re truly your friends they will respect your position. As you mature you will become stronger within yourself. In the meantime don’t be afraid and continue moving forward in your faith.

    May God bless you in your journey, Love you..
    EV

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